Christmas at Our House

This was a crazy busy pre-Christmas, followed by a the most relaxing, lazy Christmas day ever. First of all, the kids and I had school through Thursday, Dec. 23rd. It was a long week! Then Friday we prepared for a Christmas party out our house. We had the cleaning lady, mattress delivery guys, furniture delivery guys, van trade guy from KC, and my parents arrived all that day, in addition to 3 over excited children running wild. It was a nuthouse! Jeremy and I were exhausted by 2:00, but had a good 12 hours of cleaning, cooking, and entertaining to go. We survived the party and had a great time with our friends. Our first night in our new, giant king bed was the best night's sleep! Merry Christmas to us!

We scraped ourselves out of bed early the next day still foggy from the party, but ready to have Christmas with my parents. We had breakfast and opened gifts with them, so they could head home. It was a very generous celebration, and honestly gifts could have stopped there. But, a mountain remained for Christmas Day. We had all the Smith gifts under our tree, in addition to our gifts. Santa still had to contribute the big ticket items later. We are a very fortunate family.

Christmas Eve was really peaceful. We cooked together, went to church, and settled in for a family movie. I was so tired. I kept dozing during the movie. Knox would yell, "Mommy, ake up!" I couldn't keep my eyes open. The kids had enough energy for all of us, but somehow managed to go to sleep. Jeremy and I took care of all the last minute details, and settled in for a long winter's nap. So tired again!

The kids made it until 7:00. Then Maisy came screaming into our room that she got her chair. They waited so patiently for us to get up and get downstairs for pictures and coffee. Santa brought Maisy the pampasan chair she wanted. Carson got a work bench, toolbox, and a miniature golf building set. Knox got a giant racetrack and play-doh set. He decided that he liked "Tanta Caus" after all that. We opened gifts for a long time, and the kids got so much I don't even think they really know who it all came from. Lucky, lucky kids. So fun!

While every holiday season brings a mixture of feelings and memories, it is a special time. A time to reflect, to hope, to love, and to appreciate all you have been given. This holiday was about family, traditions, and togetherness. Without the rest of our families around to take charge, we acted like the adults we really are and gave our kids a great Christmas...our way. Hopefully it will be one they remember with fondness. I know I will.

Old Girl

11/1998-12/10/2011

Today was quite possibly one of the hardest days of our married life. As I type I realize the blessedness in that statement, but it doesn't make today any easier. After a rough couple of months, we decided to put Aspen to sleep. It was such a difficult decision. We scheduled the appointment two other times, but she always rallied for a day or two. Eventually we were counseled into sticking to our decision as the bad days were far out weighing the good days. And by good days I mean she actually got up and went to the bathroom outside on her own. She had lost a lot of weight recently and really gone down hill fast. Mentally she was still herself, which made today even worse.

We had the vet come to the house, which we thought was the best thing for her. Aspen always hated going to the vet and we didn't want her last moments to be filled with fear. Nothing could have made it any easier. Jeremy and I both held her as she drifted off to sleep. It was very peaceful. She was just the best dog.

As we have struggled through the last few hours, we have shared so many memories of our first baby. We both loved her fat little pink puppy belly. Jeremy especially loved her puppy breath, which I find really gross. We both loved how she would play fetch until she simply could not move. I remember so many times she dropped a soggy tennis ball into her bowl of water signalling she was done for the day. She loved being with us. I took her on so many walks, which really turned into her taking me on walks. Aspen was a such a pretty dog and so smart. We taught her all kinds of tricks, and I swear she understood what we said to her. She loved the kids, even at the end when she couldn't get away from them. Knox climbed all over her. Never did I worry that she would hurt any of them.

Aspen quite possibly was the world's best dog. She was kind, faithful, and fun. Aside from making dog hair afghans on my floor each summer, there is not one thing bad I can say about her. Our hearts have hurt for the last few weeks as we have watched her go. She will forever be part of our family though. I pray she is running around at the Golden Gate waiting faithfully for us to join her someday.

We will always love you, Old Girl.

So much to be thankful for...

As we recover from another Tour of Missouri, I am reminded of just how lucky I am. I have so much to be thankful for, and it is nice to have a day to focus on just that. While my thankfulness might be a few days late, due to Black Friday shopping and traveling hassles, it has arrived. Better late than never.

I am most thankful for my 3 healthy children. They are happy, well adjusted, smart, funny little people. I feel they each have true potential to make the world a better place. Carson might be some type of inventor or engineer. Maisy has true medical potential. Knox...hmmm...something rough or funny or nudist in nature. :)

I am thankful for the health of those I love. The older I get the more I appreciate this. Peace of mind and sound body are priceless. Thank you for good genes and medical advancements.

Being employed is also a blessing. At a time when there seems to never be enough work for those that want it, I am ever mindful of "getting" to go to work. It isn't always easy getting out of bed before 5 and leaving my sleepy babies, but I hope my motivation and dedication seep into their inner being and give them strength to get going when they don't want to.

The more I learn about the world, and the more our little piece of it changes, I appreciate the freedoms I have been given here. I cannot imagine living any other way. Thank you for all of our freedoms.

I guess the real point is that I appreciate all I have been given. I have caught myself wondering how I could be so lucky a lot lately. I hope in some way I give back some of the goodness that has been given to me.

Happy Halloween!

It was another great evening! The kids were super cute and good this year! It was fun getting them ready and taking pictures...no major fits or costume problems. Everyone was really happy! We went to the neighborhood parade and then trick-or-treating. Knox only made it to one house, and that was by force. He truly did not care for any of it. He kept saying, "Inside, Inside." He loves being outside, so I know he was truly unhappy. I don't know if it was all the commotion, costumes, or just being tired of his boots and hat. He just did not want to do it. When Maisy and Carson came home with their candy he really wanted a "treat". He had already bathed, so we put some silly glasses on with his pjs and went next door. He did say trick-or-treat once.

Carson was a show stopper with his original trashcan. He was so proud of his costume and crouched down on people's porches to pop out at them! So cute! Maisy was really cute in her little Spanish dancer/saloon girl outfit. Just great kids, great night, and great weather! Fun times!

We Bleed RED!

The Royals never gave us much to cling to. I think it is fair to say we are Cardinals fans now!

Jeremy and I went to Game #2 last week. It was a great experience! A little drama surrounded the tickets, but once that got settled, we had a fun night. It was really chilly and standing room only. Unfortunately it was a low scoring game. We lost that game too. Jeremy marked another event off his Bucket List. We had a good time together cheering on our hometown team...such a feeling of community and pride. Very cool!

Warrior Dash!

We survived! No wild animal attacks, insect bites, wanton behavior, or collapsing equipment! All of those things are mentioned in the waiver you sign prior to running, which is a little unnerving.

The dash today was so fun! Jeremy and I were both nervous going into the race. He was really concerned about his health, and is currently "sleeping it off". He said his body was "shutting down" a few minutes ago. He is so dramatic!

The terrain was rugged. The course was way out in the boonies. We ran the majority of the race through the woods. It was really rough footing with lots of roots, branches, hills and holes. Luckily it has not rained here recently, so everything was dry. With a good rain that course would have been deadly. The obstacles were harder than I expected. I don't like heights, so that was a mental challenge on a lot of them for me. There was a lot of climbing, balancing and jumping. 12 obstacles total, ending with the 30 ft cargo net, jumping fire, and mud pit. I will definitely do it again. Jury is still out on Jeremy...if he can get out of bed tomorrow, he might consider it.

PS-I beat him by 11 minutes....Just sayin'! :)

My Baby Isn't a Baby Anymore

Knox is 2! My heart is so heavy today. I am so happy that he is healthy, smart, funny, and all those doting motherly things, but I am so sad too! It officially hit me today that I will never raise another baby. There are so many things I love about babies, especially my babies. Holding all that hope, promise, goodness, innocence, beauty, and wonder one perfectly designed little body is an amazing experience. Caring for them and loving them is priceless. I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of having babies in my home and life. They have brought me to a place I dreamed of, but never fully understood. I still don't completely understand everything it means to be a mother. I do know that I am a better person because of it.

Knoxy, you have been a great baby! You are fun and happy, wild and bossy. You love to make people laugh and enjoy being naked or dirty. You adore your brother and sister, and I think you like me an awful lot too. Mommy always has to put you to bed. Daddy has really earned some points with you lately though, as he lets you stay up late and watch baseball when you are too scared of the "beep, beep" (smoke alarm) to go to bed. You love to read books and play cars. You like cowboys and animals. You are currently in a "nice/mean" phase where you look at characters' faces and tell us if they are nice or mean. You can be both...very nice or very mean. Rarely does a day go by that I am not hit or pinched by your little round hands. You pack quite a punch! At the same time, a day never goes by without you wanting to be held and kissed by Momma. You are struggling with being Momma's baby or big boy. I ask you daily and can never predict your response. I know some day soon baby won't be an option for you anymore. You will be too busy being big. But, no matter what, you will always be my baby. I love you, Big Boy!

A Busy September!

He loves those horns! He wears them all the time. He even wants to sleep in them!

First tooth

My household spies! So funny!

Soccer star! She scored 3 goals in the last game!

Headed to the rodeo...

Time is flying by! I cannot believe it is already October! That is my biggest complaint about working with kids...time goes too fast! The work week is so hectic that it seems I blink my eyes and another weekend is over and we are staring another 5 days in the face. UGH!

It is Sunday now. This is my stress day. Preparing for the upcoming week while trying to recover from the last always does me in, not to mention trying to have a social life or attending kids' sports. It is truly a crazy time. I cannot imagine what it will be like in 5 years when Knox is involved too. We have created a stoplight to gauge my stress levels so everyone is aware of my mood. It works out pretty good to keep us all aware of my fragile mental state. Now they even say, "Mom, are you at a red yet?"

There were a few significant events that have gone "unblogged" lately. I just haven't had time. Something has to give, and blogging has been one of them.

1. Maisy lost her first tooth. I was completely unprepared for it, not that it was early, I just hadn't even started thinking about it. One day she came home and said her tooth felt funny. Sure enough it was loose. Four days later, she pulled it at school. She didn't even tell the teacher, a friend did. She obviously handled that trauma well. That night she was really nervous about the tooth fairy being in her room, which I thought was cute. She decided to put her tooth on her nightstand because she really didn't want to wake up while he/she was in there.

2. Knox has started using the potty. He is a long way from trained, but went most of the day yesterday in his big boy pants. I am just completely unmotivated to potty train him. I know he is ready though. Maybe over Christmas, if he doesn't teach himself before then. Poor Baby! Literally!

3. Jeremy and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary October 6th. It was a very special weekend. I used what little time and creativity I had to write Jeremy a heartfelt love letter confessing the 5 things I love most about him. I put a lot of heart into it, and he appreciated it. He surprised me with a really pretty ring, champagne and strawberries at the hotel. I got him a new tv for the basement. It felt so good to buy him something with MY money. It was special weekend. I am proud of who we are and how far we have come together. I hope the next ten years are as blessed as these have been.

Below are some random pictures of the kids. They are growing up so fast. I truly can't believe it. Carson is getting really big both physically and mentally. It is fun to talk to him. However, he dropped the dreaded, "I don't believe in Santa Claus." on me the other day. We haven't had a private moment to finish that conversation, so I will have to report on that later. My heart sunk at the thought though. Maisy continues to baffle me with her daily confessions. She has a conscience the size of Texas and impulse control of a typical 5 year old...tough combo. Her honest heart has her confiding tidbits of her kindergarten experience that most mothers never get the chance to hear. In fact, I will start a blog entry on those to document her soul torturing days. It really bothers me. She worries way too much and typically convinces herself that there is something wrong with herself or she is a bad person. She is so hard to figure out! Then there is Knox. He is finally talking! He is repeating everything. While it is not all clear, you can figure most of it out. My favorite things he says are macaroni, balloon, buns, raccoon, and moose. He is wild, rough, and funny. He LOVES being naked and outdoors. Again, another bad combo. My poor neighbor girls have seen more male anatomy via Knox than I care to think about. I cannot believe my baby is almost 2!

Little Copy-Cat

Knox is a copy-cat! He loves to do what everyone else is doing, and he truly believes he can do it. It is so fun to watch him play and keep up with the big kids. As I type, Maisy has him dressed in her pool cover up, playing school. He loves it. Before that he was wrestling with Carson and Maisy jumping on the dog pile and growling. Actually, I don't know who loves it more...Knox or the big kids.

School is over! Knox just pulled the teacher's (Maison) hair. She is crying.

Funny side-note: Knox got his first pair of new tennis shoes the other day. He has worn hand-me-downs from Carson the rest of the time, but he LOVES his new shoes so much. It is so cute! He tells everyone "moke, moke" and holds up his foot. Then he takes off running with that one arm swing. He thinks smoke comes out of them because he runs so fast. So funny!

35 Years Young! (Putting a positive spin on things.)

It was a sad day. 9-11 brings tears to my eyes every year. This year was especially rough with the 10 year anniversary. Each big birthday for me will be a big anniversary for New York too. I guess the good thing is that I can never feel bad about being older. I am here, surrounded by the people I love, living a great life. I have nothing to complain about. I know that. I am thankful for each moment in this crazy house with these wild children and chill husband. While each day poses little challenges, the journey is so fun!

Turning 35 has definitely made me feel older. It seems each morning the reality of my increasing age becomes more visible in the mirror. I am the perfect victim for anti-aging creams and rubs. All those years of sun loving are catching up with me. It also seems my body is getting older. Aches and pains are more frequent. Right now I am nursing a foot with no explanation for all this pain! I have decided I am not going to let this get to me. I have decided to fight aging with everything I've got. While I am sure it won't matter, it makes me feel better to think all the miles of running, hours at the gym, and wasted dollars on chemicals will do something.

My new reason for writing, especially about myself, is for Maisy. I hope some day when she is 35 and I am officially ancient, I can pull out these blog entries and relate to her as a woman, young mother, and friend. I would love to hear what my mom had to say about raising kids and living life when she was 35. She recounts a lot of stories, but I know a lot of the day to day gets lost with time. So, for you Maisy, I write.

Juggling family, work, and self is such a challenge. There is truly never enough time...not enough to clean the house, prepare for work, cuddle with your kids, or even run errands. I am constantly prioritizing necessity versus want, immediate versus things that can wait. The To Do list is endless. But, I am realizing that it is okay. I would love to clone myself just to be more efficient. By Fridays I am exhausted! I am happy though. I truly enjoy my job, feel like a happy mom, and am carving out small moments for myself. Working again has given me the ability to "let it go". It is still hard for me, but I am getting better at it and at delegating responsibility or asking for help.

Most importantly at 35 I feel Full. I have everything I could have ever wanted. 2 boys and a girl, a faithful, good husband, and friends and family that would be there for me when I needed them. My birthday wish is for you, Maisy Kay, I wish for you to feel your fullness at 35, whatever that might be for you.

I am Crying Inside My Head

We love our neighbors!

How big is he? I can't believe it!

BFF!

My Sweet Girl!

We have almost survived our first week of kindergarten, three days actually, but who's counting? Besides Maisy that goes to bed crying at night...Needless to say, this was not the reaction to school I was anticipating. Leading up to the first day of school, all was well with Miss Maisy Kay. I was a pathetic mess, but she was really excited.

We laid out her clothes for the first week days in advance. We went and got a pedicure together. Jeremy even took Carson, Maisy, and the two neighbor girls to breakfast on the first day of school to make it extra special. (On a side note, I was super proud of my husband. He has been surprisingly helpful lately. Fingers crossed that it continues.) Maisy left in a super good mood I was told. No fear...just happiness to be getting on the bus.

When she dashed off the bus after school, I barely got any answers from her because she was so excited to play with her friends. It was bedtime before we got to have a really good conversation. Then she started crying. She said her teacher was stressed. I asked a lot of questions and finally found out that her teacher made a comment about "teaching being stressing". Also at some point that day, Maisy was telling a neighbor that there was a closer trashcan to throw her things away in next time, and her teacher said, "Excuse me, Maisy." This broke her heart. She should not have been talking at the same time as her teacher, but she was trying to be helpful. When I asked her how it made her feel, she said, "I was crying inside my head." Then I started crying, for real. It was a double blow. Of course as her mother my heart was breaking for my baby trying to figure out a new environment and being misunderstood and embarrassed. As a teacher, I felt bad too. I wondered how many kids I have redirected under totally innocent situations and left crying in their heads. Regardless, Maisy was really upset. I hope she gets over it soon. She has a lot of school left to be hating it already.

I feel like she is just frustrated by the rules and routine of school. I think she thought it would be an extended preschool. I am sure it is difficult for that little firecracker to hold the attitude in all day. No matter what, I adore her, and want nothing more than for her to love school and learning. I am just worried about my baby.

Jekyll & Hyde

This is a completely stressful and crazy time with me returning to work and back to school events happening for two kiddos this year (more on that later), but I had to make time to put these two very different clips online of Knox. They showcase exactly what I am up against.

He is obsessed with praying, which is great. Every night at dinner he shakes his hand at each of us and says, "Pay, pay." We know he means pray and we all bow our heads. So sweet! It warms my heart and soul. I feel so blessed.
Then...and most frequently, he is brutally aggressive. It is more common to be met by a left hook than a hug. He pinches, tries to bite (But, he comes at you with his mouth open, so we can usually escape those.), punches-closed fist and all, kicks his chubby little legs at you, and pulls hair. He saves these moves for those of us he loves the most, so each of us here have been severely beaten at times. Sounds like a dream, huh?!?! As I am typing this I am wondering why I am having such a hard time going back to work.

Anyway, I have started a new approach with him. I remind him several times throughout the day what is a nice touch and what hurts. We had a little Q/A session tonight to test my progress. He definitely gets it! Notice the huge scab on his head from face planting in the street. He has fallen at least 10 times this weekend. Once out of our kitchen chair and several times off playground equipment. He scares me to death, but he is SO tough! I guess each kid just gets tougher or more neglected.

Birthday Bash!

We had Carson's belated birthday party tonight from 7 to 9. It was the first and only BIG party he has ever had. We have always done house parties, because he is such a little home body. This year we had a pool party though. Carson wasn't quite sure about it when we were planning it, but when we got home he said it was the best party ever! He loved having the pool filled with all HIS friends. We all had a good time. We are fortunate that the parents of his friends are our friends. It makes these types of events even better for us.

I was a little stressed about the boys being rough in the water, but they were all really good. The lifeguards were cool to the kids, but stayed on them. Maisy had a few of her little friends there too, which was super fun for my little social butterfly. Knox was great too. He just gets shuffled around in all the chaos. I think he probably licked the icing off of at least 5 cupcakes. The two hours flew by. I hope Carson remembers this one...

This is what I will remember...

It was during a major heat wave. Today it was 90 and it felt nice. The pool water is almost so warm it feels gross to be in it. We have had no upstairs AC for a week, so we have been sleeping downstairs,so we know just how hot it has been, inside and out. The boys played Splash and fought over the rope on the sprinkler in the shallow end. Carson is saving his money for an I-touch I-pod, which he can buy now. His friends were incredibly generous! He is a lucky kid. He might have been doing chores for another 2 weeks to save enough. He is also really into Beyblades, which are these spinning tops that battle in a little stadium. Most importantly, Carson was really happy tonight. He was also very helpful getting ready for the party. He helped me ice cupcakes and count party favors 800 times to make sure we had enough. He also danced in public. :) I would love the good mood to continue.

To the Fence!

Carson hit his first home run of the season tonight! It was a big hit to the center field fence. I found my camera in the nick of time and got a blurry version of it to share. Turn your volume down, because my screaming is extremely loud and annoying. The boys are in their first kid pitch tournament this weekend. We went 2-0 tonight, giving up only 1 run. Carson pitched the first game and struck out two.

It was a good night at the ballpark. Everyone stayed to play in the dirt afterwards. Knox had to have a bath in the park sink; he was so filthy. He loves the dirt! Since it was so late he fell asleep on the way home and went to bed without a real bath. Who knows what I will find in his hair tomorrow. Gross! Maisy Kay was happy as a lark running the bases too. Good times!

Eight is Enough!

Hmmm...I think this is the start of something new. Carson is changing. He is really trying to assert himself as a big kid. At times he is thoughtful, kind, and affectionate. At others he can be just downright mean or uninterested in anything. Recently I have noticed that he is the best when given responsibility or "jobs" that he feels are grown-up. There is just still so much he is too young to do. For example, he wanted an I-touch Ipod for his birthday. Jeremy and I did not get him one, but have told him he can buy it with his own money. Luckily the money hasn't come easy, so he is actually going to have to work for it. Carson is a spender just like me. I can't wait to see if he holds out for it. He is only about $25.00 short, so a few weeks of chores and he can get it. We will see how dedicated he is. I don't think he needs one though.

Carson has always been easy for me to understand, until recently. It makes me sad. I know we are a lot alike, but he is getting a mouth on him that I never had. Parenting is just getting harder. I would happily take the physical exhaustion of babies over the mental anguish of older kids. Good or bad, he is still my baby, and I am very proud of him. Outside the house he is shy, kind, and happy. He loves sports, music, dancing, video games, staying home and building things. We got him a set of tools and he built a toolbox. He has a bird house to do too. He hates bugs, being hot, putting on sunscreen, broccoli, and tornadoes. At school Carson is a dream or so I am told. He is a rule follower and wants to please. Hopefully that won't change.

With every birthday I am shocked at how fast time has gone. He is eight, and I am old!