"There Might be a Little Dust on the Bottle,

But don't let it fool ya' about what's inside."

This dated country song was the theme of my night as I attempted to hang with Lori and Tiff the other night. This evening was blog worthy for several reasons.

One, I actually survived and well, I might add. (Hence the title of the song.) We had a good time. Although their evening really gets going about the time mine usually ends, I managed to stay awake and entertain them with some very talented dance moves late in the night. I really do miss those nights.

The most significant reason to write about this is because of the changes I noticed in myself that night. As I was leaving Jeremy and the kids, I cried. I was driving up north for the night, 12 hours to be exact, and I was suffering from separation anxiety. It was the first time I really realized how completely absorbed I am in "my life as a mother". My identity beyond my children is diminishing, quickly. Without the kids or Jeremy, "I" am difficult to define at this point. That too made me sad. At the same time, proud. I know I have given my children every consideration to the point of losing sight of myself. That has to be good for them, probably not so for me. So, I am making a conscious effort to prevent feeling like that, even if I have to drag some of my other "overly dedicated" mom friends with me kicking and screaming. There is another world out there and it still is fun. Even for a frazzled mom on occasion.

Finally, that night reminded me of how much I enjoy my sister. With her up north now, we can't meet at the mall or run by each other's houses as easily and time really goes fast. She has made some big changes in her life and I am proud of her. While we are still on completely different levels, her single and me with kids, I appreciate her honesty and conversation so much. I am proud of the woman she is becoming. It is weird to think of her as a woman, but I guess it is time to admit I am one now too.

Overall, my night out was great! I don't need to do it very often. I won't survive, but it is amazing what good conversation, a change of scenery and a good car ride can do for your perspective. While my family is still my number one priority, I realize there is still much more to me.