Most entries are to share accomplishments, fun times, or cute pictures. They leave me feeling warm and fuzzy remembering the events of the entry. Tonight's post is different. I am hoping by writing things begin to make sense to me...that I can figure out where to go next. Because right now, I am lost.
I have heard numerous people say that raising girls is harder than boys. I always assumed that had something to do with hormones of teenage girls being unpredictable. However, I don't think hormones can be blamed for behaviors at 4.
Maison is really challenging me right now. She has declared emotional warfare on Jeremy and I. Sadly, she is winning. While there are several layers and weeks of inappropriateness surrounding this, the current issue is by far the most hurtful. She has questioned private parts, empathy, life, death, love and hate as of late. At present, she is convinced that she loves no one. When we tell her we love her, she says nothing in return. She says she doesn't want to lie, so she can't say it back. She goes into very specific detail about her feelings. I know that love is a very abstract concept and unexplainable, and quite possibly, impossible for a four year old to truly understand. But, most of them don't have the guts to admit they feel anything but love for their parents. I have taken every approach I can think of with her. Short of giving into her every demand, nothing works. It is to the point that I think she might not love us. While I am trying to honor her feelings, it really hurts mine. I can't wait to hear her tell me she loves me again.
A few months ago she would yell the same thing from her bed every night. "Mommy, I love you. Can you come check on me and if I am still awake, lay with me? And, good-night." She would repeat it 3-4 times. Now, a kiss and hug...nothing.
I don't know what to do. My heart is breaking.
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